the one where inspiration is always in need

Time flies.
Time flies.

I have always wanted to update my blog since busy with presentation and paper like weeks ago. But each time just could not know where to start. It has been a couple of wierd weeks honestly --- somestimes feel there's so little time that I have to take a look on everything and get something from my life, while sometimes I just stay lazy and ... depresed.

I overslept the morning I had this mini presentation and I was so panic wanna ring a cab to school. When I realized I do not have a taxi number and after couple of phone calls where I got the numbers from online they said I was not in the area of London they serve, that was my first time to feel so alone and desperate in this city. And that was two and half weeks ago -- the feeling could come whenever ... well when I am aware that I AM alone.

Also couple of weeks ago, I met up with Chi. We've known each other since the Feng Kai trip two years ago --- not a long time in terms of lifelong but long enough to comprehend quite well. And he was just done with Colombia flying back to HK. It was different seeing him again. --- Although were the same jokes that we laugh at, but subtly you just can feel that both of us are different. He said he likes London a lot and possibly wanna move here provided he found a job! Without a reason, I was feeling so happy when he expressed that he so much like London as if I am just based here in London.
I love London, without doubt.
There are costs and benefits when you are brought up in a crowded, impersonal, diverse, competitive, BIG city. What I love most is just the tolerance of big cities that you can find whatever you want by all kinds of means, and you'll never stop meeting all kinds of different people in a tolerant city. I love such places that just can let me be different mes in different times. I love such places that we are judged by different standards. I love such places that provide access to all sorts of activities suit different needs. Basically, the reason why I love big cities and what I love about them is the diversity and the convenience they bring. Slightly different from those in Asia like Shanghai and Hong Kong where the two are the most familiar places to me, people in the west are just not used to the chaos in big cities as asians. That is why I was so pleased to go to Richmond and Teddington or whatever surburb near central London and feel the little peace and harmony out there. There are still London, but just another spot where the city people wanna get away from the crowded tube and overpopulated shopping malls.

I was doing my placement in Hampton Court Palace where is famous for its history of being the residence of Henry VIII (and William and Mary as well). I was kind of excited when arriving there since I would be literally working inside this beautiful english palace. Instead of working for the Palace, I actually work for the Embroiderer's Guild which is located in one of the oldest part of the palace as tenent. This has been an absolute cultural experience for me. Although I really did not have much workload and tasks to do, I learned quite a lot from know what a charity organization is and how it functions.

Now it comes to the bad part =(( which is I lost my wallet misteriously last week inside the Guild. There is no suspecious or anything ... seemed that my wallet just walked away itself from my handbag which was placed inside the office. It might be the stress or whatever, I burst into tears once I realized it was really gone. That might be a very scary scene since I literally just could not stop crying and unable to put words together. It was really wierd being an adult and crying in front of group of adults. I have no idea what went wrong with me ... or maybe I do.
This period in London has given me something that I never felt before. Can't say its good or bad feeling cause it is just a complex. Now I'm sitting in bed, start to feel bit sick and hangover and try to recover from the bad luck I have been through these couple of days, I admit I'm feeling bit negative.

Oh but I'm leaving for Sardinia this Sunday! After a chilly summer which of course relieves me bit when heared its now 40 degrees in shanghai, I guess some sunshine and beach would do me good. Before that, I just hope I can sort out some of my mess here and clear up some space in mind. I need to move on, from whatever we call it "getting stuck".

Love you all,
Amanda