All of a sudden Im determined, more than ever. Im gonna go to Toronto. I am going to make it happen.
And I will end up in either NL or GB in 5 years or even less than that. And that is what I want to do.

Im done with struggling. done.

the one with its all about obsession

For me, obsession is actually a word that I can hardly find the right chinese translation for it. The obsession I used to have with earrings is different from the obsession I have with mentioning how hopeless we girls are being stuck in Hong Kong; for quite the same reason, the obsession I used to have with my boyfriend is different from the obsession I had from thinking how a happy life my exboyfriend is living with his girlfriend right now.

I just realized that my recent mood roller coaster was actually running with the help of my obsession fuel and both of which have been doing no good at all to my little happy life. I was just so obsessed with something that I no longer have control of but because I care for them too much and want them just terribly -- so I have been wound up obsessed with only wanting them. Just like the result of an exam, someone that doesnt worth me holding back my life for, and something I paid no effort but hoping I turn out to be the lucky one.

And it feels good when you get rid of, or nearly get rid of the obsessions. It feels good just step out and look from the outside world and be like "gosh see what did I damn miss?!". I have missed too much present that I should've been fighting for, and I have been so obsessed in beliving in pure luck and finding excuse to persuade myself if I truely deserve it. I don't want to be this pathetic and needy girl once she's tied up with her obsessions. Maybe after what meant to happen during this period, I would be able to learn something from my terrible obsession.

I no longer care what does who owes who -- it might just be my imaginary obsession after all. "Dance like nobody's watching."--- true, that there aint anyone there watching me.

the one with being single and fabulous exclaimnation mark

I went out on thursday night again, with the friends that I never thought of going out with, although we have been like really good friends ever since in uni. We actually ended up having loads of fun in sugar where you can see all the typical honkies - guys never figure out what they're up to to get closer to a girl or where to put their hands after dancing with the girl in silence during 3 or 4 songs.
After spending nearly a thousand HKD on CD shopping, I met up with the IASP crew on Friday night. We did nothing but talking. And the conversation that evening was incredible. Thats how I liked it - we all seperated after graduation, heading to different directions, and we're still sitting here sharing our views. Sure there were some regret or dissatifaction that I could sense, but whats important is that we're all still growing up and we probably still believe in the word "future".

I finally expericed a nerve breakdown on Saturday. I knew that was coming - I didnt have good night sleep during the whole week. I was literally staring at my vocabulary book for hours but didnt get any shit into my mind. I kept calculating the time I have for school work and the possiblity I can get a job in toronto (which two did not make sense at all yet at this point). And when I eventually found myself doing nothing out there with my mind totally gone blank for an hour, I burst into tears.
After a long talk on the phone with my dad and some good sleep recovering the tiredness from crying and finding out whats going on, I sort of got back to myself yesterday. I went our for a movie and did some birthday gift shopping for ursula and some little treat for myself. I was still bit having this social withdraw today but lucy just literally dragged me out for dinner and now I thank her for doing so.
So here I am again, being single and fabulous, thinking how to celebrate all the special days coming. Suddenly it just stroke me that what Im having right now might just be the last time in a long time I'll have it in Hong Kong my beloved city. I wanna throw a big party for ursula, I wanna have a big halloween night, I wanna read more books in the library, I wanna go hiking, I wanna study harder, I wanna meet more interesting people, I wanna be in love again, I wanna once again see the flowers blooming on campus in spring, I wanna go another christmas sale, I wanna a lot more.

October is gonna be fabulous, and I'll try my very best to be the single and fabulous me, exclaimnation mark.