For me, obsession is actually a word that I can hardly find the right chinese translation for it. The obsession I used to have with earrings is different from the obsession I have with mentioning how hopeless we girls are being stuck in Hong Kong; for quite the same reason, the obsession I used to have with my boyfriend is different from the obsession I had from thinking how a happy life my exboyfriend is living with his girlfriend right now.
I just realized that my recent mood roller coaster was actually running with the help of my obsession fuel and both of which have been doing no good at all to my little happy life. I was just so obsessed with something that I no longer have control of but because I care for them too much and want them just terribly -- so I have been wound up obsessed with only wanting them. Just like the result of an exam, someone that doesnt worth me holding back my life for, and something I paid no effort but hoping I turn out to be the lucky one.
And it feels good when you get rid of, or nearly get rid of the obsessions. It feels good just step out and look from the outside world and be like "gosh see what did I damn miss?!". I have missed too much present that I should've been fighting for, and I have been so obsessed in beliving in pure luck and finding excuse to persuade myself if I truely deserve it. I don't want to be this pathetic and needy girl once she's tied up with her obsessions. Maybe after what meant to happen during this period, I would be able to learn something from my terrible obsession.
I no longer care what does who owes who -- it might just be my imaginary obsession after all. "Dance like nobody's watching."--- true, that there aint anyone there watching me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment