get going

Here I am, after half year since my last post on blogspot, Im back in the game. *hehe* Although I am pretty sure most of the people has lost track of this blog which means Im basically talking to myself here, I guess its still nice for me to get a fresh new start and try to put down little by little that is growing in my mind.

So I am back in Canada, back in Ontario, but this time back in Toronto, the city which I had such deep impression on exactly two and half years ago --- I fell in love instantlywith the vibrant environment, the livelyness, as well as its messiness and crowdedness, the first time I saw it. Despite the fact that my heart would probably long for Europe most of the time, but if its Canada (ohhh you know the complicated reason/s), "it has to be Toronto" - I told myself.

Toronto did not change much, I have to say being subjective. And I am quite sure its me that has changed how I look at people and city lives. I did experience a little struggle when I firstly arrived this time - wondering if people were as rude as the last time I visited, if the buildings have been renovated or what; However, now I found myself getting used to the place as I am really living here and breathing in every minute of this Toronto life.

Here is one to all of those now being abroad tasting life on their own. We are all bunch of very brave and blessed people, and I am very much looking forward to seeing where different places would bring us to.

Love
amanda

slowly we're getting older, and wiser, and full of fear.

Just returned to Kong after the Chinese New Year. Yeh its been another year. Although I missed the last one the only one in life, it didnt feel much different this time still --- nonstop eating in the name of family gatherings, moving from restaurants to restaurants, trying out different dishes, appreciating chinese food culture, once again being amazed by how far our nation goes in exploring ways of cooking.
Having Ji Hye in Shanghai was the first time though. Its been half a year since Sardinia, but both us just felt like that was just yesterday.

Feeling nothing but tired, easily get tired after a bit of mental work. My mind still takes every opportunity when being left alone to think about being lonely. And when my needs becoming more and more material in this city, I somehow have this illusion of being spiritual deep down in me.
Turning 24 is striking, so many times I felt like standing on this point of my life being smartest ever in knowing who I am, however, being ignorant ever in knowing where I am. I am terrified to figure out how I can be completely responsible for my own life just by who I am. All of a sudden, the ambition, the dream, the wish, become such pressure because they now are so near right in front of my nose.

Speaking of turning 24, marrige appears more often and more serious in conversations. When guys were busy avoiding to give an answer to girlfriends, girls are eager to know who we'd end up with. It is scary to think of being alone forever or the guys we hang on to do not worth it. The childish struggle of choosing career and family quietly exists in us from time to time. Too many "hypothetically" disturb our thoughts. Even though we are still at our 20th, we are trying to get everything planned in next 10 years.

Life being a besieged city again, those who living in the unpredictable want a sense of control, those living in the planned afraid of being bored and cant stop complaining.
And why now, all I feel is fear.