Just returned to Kong after the Chinese New Year. Yeh its been another year. Although I missed the last one the only one in life, it didnt feel much different this time still --- nonstop eating in the name of family gatherings, moving from restaurants to restaurants, trying out different dishes, appreciating chinese food culture, once again being amazed by how far our nation goes in exploring ways of cooking.
Having Ji Hye in Shanghai was the first time though. Its been half a year since Sardinia, but both us just felt like that was just yesterday.
Feeling nothing but tired, easily get tired after a bit of mental work. My mind still takes every opportunity when being left alone to think about being lonely. And when my needs becoming more and more material in this city, I somehow have this illusion of being spiritual deep down in me.
Turning 24 is striking, so many times I felt like standing on this point of my life being smartest ever in knowing who I am, however, being ignorant ever in knowing where I am. I am terrified to figure out how I can be completely responsible for my own life just by who I am. All of a sudden, the ambition, the dream, the wish, become such pressure because they now are so near right in front of my nose.
Speaking of turning 24, marrige appears more often and more serious in conversations. When guys were busy avoiding to give an answer to girlfriends, girls are eager to know who we'd end up with. It is scary to think of being alone forever or the guys we hang on to do not worth it. The childish struggle of choosing career and family quietly exists in us from time to time. Too many "hypothetically" disturb our thoughts. Even though we are still at our 20th, we are trying to get everything planned in next 10 years.
Life being a besieged city again, those who living in the unpredictable want a sense of control, those living in the planned afraid of being bored and cant stop complaining.
And why now, all I feel is fear.
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