All of a sudden Im determined, more than ever. Im gonna go to Toronto. I am going to make it happen.
And I will end up in either NL or GB in 5 years or even less than that. And that is what I want to do.

Im done with struggling. done.

the one with its all about obsession

For me, obsession is actually a word that I can hardly find the right chinese translation for it. The obsession I used to have with earrings is different from the obsession I have with mentioning how hopeless we girls are being stuck in Hong Kong; for quite the same reason, the obsession I used to have with my boyfriend is different from the obsession I had from thinking how a happy life my exboyfriend is living with his girlfriend right now.

I just realized that my recent mood roller coaster was actually running with the help of my obsession fuel and both of which have been doing no good at all to my little happy life. I was just so obsessed with something that I no longer have control of but because I care for them too much and want them just terribly -- so I have been wound up obsessed with only wanting them. Just like the result of an exam, someone that doesnt worth me holding back my life for, and something I paid no effort but hoping I turn out to be the lucky one.

And it feels good when you get rid of, or nearly get rid of the obsessions. It feels good just step out and look from the outside world and be like "gosh see what did I damn miss?!". I have missed too much present that I should've been fighting for, and I have been so obsessed in beliving in pure luck and finding excuse to persuade myself if I truely deserve it. I don't want to be this pathetic and needy girl once she's tied up with her obsessions. Maybe after what meant to happen during this period, I would be able to learn something from my terrible obsession.

I no longer care what does who owes who -- it might just be my imaginary obsession after all. "Dance like nobody's watching."--- true, that there aint anyone there watching me.

the one with being single and fabulous exclaimnation mark

I went out on thursday night again, with the friends that I never thought of going out with, although we have been like really good friends ever since in uni. We actually ended up having loads of fun in sugar where you can see all the typical honkies - guys never figure out what they're up to to get closer to a girl or where to put their hands after dancing with the girl in silence during 3 or 4 songs.
After spending nearly a thousand HKD on CD shopping, I met up with the IASP crew on Friday night. We did nothing but talking. And the conversation that evening was incredible. Thats how I liked it - we all seperated after graduation, heading to different directions, and we're still sitting here sharing our views. Sure there were some regret or dissatifaction that I could sense, but whats important is that we're all still growing up and we probably still believe in the word "future".

I finally expericed a nerve breakdown on Saturday. I knew that was coming - I didnt have good night sleep during the whole week. I was literally staring at my vocabulary book for hours but didnt get any shit into my mind. I kept calculating the time I have for school work and the possiblity I can get a job in toronto (which two did not make sense at all yet at this point). And when I eventually found myself doing nothing out there with my mind totally gone blank for an hour, I burst into tears.
After a long talk on the phone with my dad and some good sleep recovering the tiredness from crying and finding out whats going on, I sort of got back to myself yesterday. I went our for a movie and did some birthday gift shopping for ursula and some little treat for myself. I was still bit having this social withdraw today but lucy just literally dragged me out for dinner and now I thank her for doing so.
So here I am again, being single and fabulous, thinking how to celebrate all the special days coming. Suddenly it just stroke me that what Im having right now might just be the last time in a long time I'll have it in Hong Kong my beloved city. I wanna throw a big party for ursula, I wanna have a big halloween night, I wanna read more books in the library, I wanna go hiking, I wanna study harder, I wanna meet more interesting people, I wanna be in love again, I wanna once again see the flowers blooming on campus in spring, I wanna go another christmas sale, I wanna a lot more.

October is gonna be fabulous, and I'll try my very best to be the single and fabulous me, exclaimnation mark.

the one when being back in the game

I finished my IELTS test last weekend, after the GRE writing. I have no idea if I did like shit or otherwise - never had a clear sense about my performance in exams/interviews. Then I had a late night in LKF on Mid Autumn's day sorta to celebrate finishing those two exams in a row. oh hell I was so fucked by them. Thought I was missing LKF/Wan Chai so damn much when its the end of time in bergen, felt like I just need those commercial hip-hop shit and dance hell outta it. But now I started missing the club I had in europe. --- oh AND Sardinia! tell me about it! I miss the whole crew and crazy people can't stop showing their asses around. Best time ever. But now Im in dragon i seeing how some of the whites showing off how previliged they can be no matter in terms of money or the race they possess. But same in Shanghai isnt it, don't you just feel disgusted when some random white guys sticking their tongues into your mouth when they not even communicate well in english. Well of course some of them are just spoiled by the chinese making nothing is impossible for them becomes a reality from a fantasy.
omg I have to apologize if I sound bit racist here -- of course what I said can't be applied to everyone of the population. And like my father always tell me, there're certain culture factors behind that shapes people's personality and way of presentation which might just make the white better off in this situation. (OK let's not get into the economic/political sides ahead.)

Anyways, nights out are fun but I just feel like I cannot afford too much this term -- its my final year after all. And the endless assginments/projects deadline together with those countless recruitment talks, not to mention my thoughts coming ang going over and over again about job opportunities/grad school selections overseas, I could be driven nuts just to marking them down in my schedule as well as in my mind. HK is such a fun place with anything ANYTHING you possible can think of doing, however, Im outside the crowd.

Friends from last year constantly warned me about how hard it is to keep the balance when you're having too much on the list to look for -- what's important, what's of my interest, what concerns my next step, what's possible. And honestly, I have been quite overwhelmed already. Few people knew I have been losing sleep constantly and that kinda robbed my energy of loving life itself. Poor me, still haven't improved any little bit in these years.

Well, it might just be the begining of the game. And Im well determined to go for it.

Love you all.
amanda

the one with CUHK so far

I haven't been writing ever since I got back to Asia -- well except the couple of short blogs I posted on msn space just to let people know where was I. Well there actually have been several times I started writing but paused searching for what I really wanted to say and finally gave up.

There were lots of thoughts came across my mind I wished to captured them and put down in words --- it has been a very wierd time when I came back from the 2nd exchange and also been much impressed by London where I in fact thought of the possibility spending the rest of life; and it has been a very wierd time when most of my friends are graduated and most of them have already started working when me is left in campus worrying about my classes as well as where to head for future.

First thing I ever done once got back to HK is helping out another year's IASP orientation. Remember I called Jacky directly from Shanghai and quite excited about coming to be one of the helpers, well partly because I was having quite a bad time in Shanghai and plan to run away from the problems I never wanted to deal with, and of course mostly because we had such a great time at last year's orientation. I missed hanging out with Milky Christy Kenneth and Jacky and hopefully I can meet up with some cool helpers as well this year. Anyways, me and lucy wound up sneaking out .... great chat but that was how I ended this year's IASP orientation.
Which just reminded me once again things happen in a way that sometimes you want to grasp the feelings once again in the similar setting or same people, but when time's passed, things are just different.

When it comes to the 5th year, you naturally see less familiar faces around. In contrast with what I made myself doing in first years which is meeting as many new people as I can or joining as many activities as there are, I tend to stick more with my old friends, and maintain a simply life. I know it is arogant to say most new people around are fresh and green, but it is just quite true to me that I am having less exciting conversations with the frosh and juniors. Also, my old friends around are all those who extended this academic term cause of previous exchange that we actually have not seen each other for so long. I feel much closer to them than ever when we were sharing the different us we turned to after these couple of years.

I did not have much return culture shock this time when I was back. Honestly I am very happy that after all these years, I can feel myself becoming more and more tolerant and clear in mind about the culture differences I keep running into. This might sound very abstract, but it is true that the more I become westernized, the more Chinese I feel about myself. I am very looking forward to really seeing the merits of both eastern and western cultures and thus make myself a better person. However, what I incurred most recently let me know that although it is not difficult for me anymore to switch in between different culture situations, it can be very tough trying to let my social peers from both sides just combine easily. It is like if I told a chinese friend that a foreign friend is really cool but the chinese might not think same as I do. After all, they are from two aspects of my life and depend on other people's values instead of two sides of me myself which I can work on.
Again, this is a plain fact but actually took me years to understand.

Meeting up with my working peeps is fun. One year ago, they were at where we are right now worrying about what to with our futures. Now is like another big test of life, making us to again look back our lives see how much we seeded and how much we deserve to get. But this time is bit different; this time is after a period during when we truely started to make decisions ourselves, compared with our parents guide us mostly before; this time we know that once we made lousy decision, we're risking our own future and the word "future" just look most real ever; and this time some of us are having our love ones at side-no matter how certain we are, we all hope to make the best decision for more than the single each one of us.

Back to HK is just like back to reality-back to where all of us eagerly wants to know how competitive we are and whether we can win what we deserve by hard working and bit of luck. This city will always be fasinating to me not only because of my special bound with cosmopolitan cities, also because here is where I in the first time of my life know who am I and what I want to be. Although I'm never a Hongkie (in fact neither do I feel like shanghainese), I do have a sense of belonging here. But still, Hong Kong is not going to hold me back - maybe because I am only 22.

To all dear friends wherever you are
I wish you all the best and enjoy what life may bring

Amanda

the one where inspiration is always in need

Time flies.
Time flies.

I have always wanted to update my blog since busy with presentation and paper like weeks ago. But each time just could not know where to start. It has been a couple of wierd weeks honestly --- somestimes feel there's so little time that I have to take a look on everything and get something from my life, while sometimes I just stay lazy and ... depresed.

I overslept the morning I had this mini presentation and I was so panic wanna ring a cab to school. When I realized I do not have a taxi number and after couple of phone calls where I got the numbers from online they said I was not in the area of London they serve, that was my first time to feel so alone and desperate in this city. And that was two and half weeks ago -- the feeling could come whenever ... well when I am aware that I AM alone.

Also couple of weeks ago, I met up with Chi. We've known each other since the Feng Kai trip two years ago --- not a long time in terms of lifelong but long enough to comprehend quite well. And he was just done with Colombia flying back to HK. It was different seeing him again. --- Although were the same jokes that we laugh at, but subtly you just can feel that both of us are different. He said he likes London a lot and possibly wanna move here provided he found a job! Without a reason, I was feeling so happy when he expressed that he so much like London as if I am just based here in London.
I love London, without doubt.
There are costs and benefits when you are brought up in a crowded, impersonal, diverse, competitive, BIG city. What I love most is just the tolerance of big cities that you can find whatever you want by all kinds of means, and you'll never stop meeting all kinds of different people in a tolerant city. I love such places that just can let me be different mes in different times. I love such places that we are judged by different standards. I love such places that provide access to all sorts of activities suit different needs. Basically, the reason why I love big cities and what I love about them is the diversity and the convenience they bring. Slightly different from those in Asia like Shanghai and Hong Kong where the two are the most familiar places to me, people in the west are just not used to the chaos in big cities as asians. That is why I was so pleased to go to Richmond and Teddington or whatever surburb near central London and feel the little peace and harmony out there. There are still London, but just another spot where the city people wanna get away from the crowded tube and overpopulated shopping malls.

I was doing my placement in Hampton Court Palace where is famous for its history of being the residence of Henry VIII (and William and Mary as well). I was kind of excited when arriving there since I would be literally working inside this beautiful english palace. Instead of working for the Palace, I actually work for the Embroiderer's Guild which is located in one of the oldest part of the palace as tenent. This has been an absolute cultural experience for me. Although I really did not have much workload and tasks to do, I learned quite a lot from know what a charity organization is and how it functions.

Now it comes to the bad part =(( which is I lost my wallet misteriously last week inside the Guild. There is no suspecious or anything ... seemed that my wallet just walked away itself from my handbag which was placed inside the office. It might be the stress or whatever, I burst into tears once I realized it was really gone. That might be a very scary scene since I literally just could not stop crying and unable to put words together. It was really wierd being an adult and crying in front of group of adults. I have no idea what went wrong with me ... or maybe I do.
This period in London has given me something that I never felt before. Can't say its good or bad feeling cause it is just a complex. Now I'm sitting in bed, start to feel bit sick and hangover and try to recover from the bad luck I have been through these couple of days, I admit I'm feeling bit negative.

Oh but I'm leaving for Sardinia this Sunday! After a chilly summer which of course relieves me bit when heared its now 40 degrees in shanghai, I guess some sunshine and beach would do me good. Before that, I just hope I can sort out some of my mess here and clear up some space in mind. I need to move on, from whatever we call it "getting stuck".

Love you all,
Amanda

the one with first week in London

It's been exactly a week since I settled here in London, well although I'll say I just settle yesterday cause I just moved in to the flat from uni hostel and its really nice -- I have a huge comfy bed, a mini balcony which faces water and around is just the perfect quiet neighbourhood with a large shopping mall. (feels bit like where we live in Surrey but hey.. its London!)

Course started on day 1 when I firstly met my classmates. Without surprise they're all 2years or so younger than me. Back to group of hongkees feels strange at first since I never quite fit in, not to mention I am the oldest one. And they are all nice and friendly ... and as predictable as most of hongkees. =))

The courses I'd doing here are mainly about british political system and arts. Professors have been teaching assuming we know nothing about western political system which is absolutely appreciated by me since I just felt like haven't touched politics for ages although I think it is a very interesting topic.
We were arranged a reception party at London's College of Fashion, in a room where graduates' work and projects are displayed. Don't know why but lots of young enterpreneurs are invited as friends of professors, together with couple of admin people from college of fashion, I had a really fun night with fine wine and good food. It sounds like an interesting college with fashion programs doesnt it? And it's said to be considering developing master programs for students from other decipline. But when I still cannot help sticking my tougue out when checking out the tuition fee in the pamphlet -- more than 50,000 pounds for bachelor which is just quite impossible.

Another highlight of the week was going to see musical of Sound of Music which absolutely made my night. We were sitting at the very last row of the backside and basically not able to see characters clearly. But since it was almost the same with how the movie went, so I still manage to enjoy the show from begining to end. That was the second time I felt like I can live here in London -- just to think about how nice it is to spend once in a month at any theatre by West End and enjoy art of music. Well, first time thinking like that was when I was reading paper when waiting for tube coming --- the crowd around me, people have this businesslike look on their face... and I just said to myself, hey you can live here.
Speaking of tube though, I have to say it is crazy here! Before this, I thought western undergrands can hardly like this just as in Shanghai or Tokoy (I experienced shanghai and saw tons of pictures of those in Tokyo. hmmm HK is ok for me since people are just tiny there I guess lol). But tubes here in London is crazy as well. You can hardly breathe when its peak time, the whole compartment just smells sweat and mixutre of perfumes.

I missed seeing Live Earth this Sat which is the second thing of this week I have been kicking myself for (first thing is keep forgetting bring camera with me for most of the week). When was told they have it live on tely but then found my flat doesnt have a tely. And when I was about to check out Hyde Park today for the Tour de France, I was locked in bathroom. I was so panic at the time since Allison said she was locked in with Delia for 4hrs last time. (Well our bathroom was bit problem with the hander but nobody ever fixed it). I was shotting banging doing everything I can. Wierd enough is although I was freaked out but I wasnt scared. And more wierd is that I managed to open the door finally by doing some tricks on the broken hander. Anyways... it was over ... and I ended up being quite proud of myself not crying like a baby inside. And I still went to the Hyde Park despite Ive been locked for an hour. Games were almost done by then but still see lots of people hanging around there. Maybe I shall go cycling sometimes, I thought when seeing all the settings and people cycling around... or just come here soak up in the sun -- Hyde Park is a nice spot .... arrhhh, I can really live here! lol

Oh Im tired better off to bed now. Lots of new people to see next week. And Chi is coming on Wed from colombia. FROM COLOMBIA --- woohooo! And by the way, I need to do a presentation plus a paper end of next week as well. =(( Let's just see what happens.

Wish your well.
xx
Amanda

the one with UK the United Kingdom

Last time I updated this should be late May leaving Bergen and now I have been flying twice between Europe and Aisa, settled in London finally. It has been quite an intensive month -- seeing friends and family, adjust myself back to chinese language and culture, then again pluge into western setting and start over again, of course more quickly.

It was bit wierd to see both of my parents appearing in house in shanghai -- it felt like I'm back to high school again and just spend the weekend home and mom trying her best make the cuisine I like and table is just full of food and dad is just same old busy dad. Three of us finally spent a night at Victoria harbour in HK and when I saw them holding hands and walking I felt like the happiest girl in the world. Its true that good times never comes without hard times occur first and also, good times never last long (well long enought that you think its long).

Everything went so fast back home, much faster than the pace I get used to in this half year. I didn't realize I did miss my friends and family so much when actually start meeting them and talking and talking. I was gradually becoming aware of this process I went through everytime back from abroad -- running forward, slow down, look back, then start running again. Culture is definitely one major thing, I won't be me today being sensitive and struggling with culture difference after all those "looking back and comparing" pauses. Don't know if I should be grateful or not that I have always been a slow person hesitate to sense what I really want. But if I'm meant to be like this, it's meaningless complaining the way I live now.

Back home in two most commercial places in whole world also made me bit slow in catching up. Especially when my friends are all graduating, and working now. Everyone has different stories. But being in these two cities making their stories amazingly similar. It can make you feel like on top of the world, also can make you feel you worth less than piece of crap. And these are happening right around me every single day.

And I'm flying again. After getting used to how home is like, I had to leave again. Well, good thing is I sensed more excitement than sadness and sort of just let the things go themself. So here I am, standing in richest part of Europe and trying to find my piece of mind again.

It was great seeing Shweta and Chris in Scotland. And this trip, well fairly short trip, did help me making some decisions. But it is nuts, isnt it?! That seeing each other again after one and half years and we actually didnt change that much. The trip was short but the country was fantastic that I was determined to go back again.

LONDON
It feels I'd spend so much time here -- my life just slows down again and me myself tend to be slow and try best enjoy this part of the country. And it is a absolutely gorgeous place (well although so far I still like scotland more). I love places being cultural and financial same time, and it is perfect here. Well, the weather has been freaking me out but I was told only to get used to it and I was like, I survived Bergen anyways! omg I'm here only half week so far so Im kinda lost here trying to search anything to say!
-Well HSBC is huge here as well so I'm glad to see westerners no more have this confused look when I mention the back.
-I kept forgetting bringing my camera since we have classes in daytime so I did miss lots of nice shots.
-I'll soon move to another flat wich has the perfect room facing the water so Im really excited.
-English guys (by which I mean the young males aging no more than 35) are quite nice but not as gentelmanlike as I expected (well I did expect a lot didnt I?!)
-Im really sad Mich cannot make it to London, I would soooo love to spend time with some great friends here since I basically know no one here.
- Although I've mentioned this, weather sucks here.
- The food I take in everyday is nothing but sandwich.
- I miss my friends a lot a lot (in a way I wish them being here instead of I being there cuz its such a fun place here! lol)

Still hope you're all doing well wherever you are.
Love from London
Amanda

the one with BYE BYE Bergen

Tonight is the last night I'll be typing on a laptop in Fantoft Bergen. I'm heading to Lofoten the day after -- a backpack trip spending like 26hrs on bus and ferry, all the way going to the up north part of Norway.
I don't know what I'm supposed to think right now, it feels like another random night -- I was watching movie in Mich's room and talking, well except that all my stuffs are packed in suitcases now leaving my room emptier and tidier than before.

Term exchange is always short --- too short to really feel like a local. I met people, people met me. We passed by each other, even when its like a smile I raised to a total stranger. Well, I have existed in this city for five months of my life.
Leaving stoke me month ago when seeing people exchange in back home or elsewhere started posting pictures on facebook of farewell parties and stuffs. Also, when talking to those who have been exchange terms before now back home back to their normal lives, I felt this nostalgia of exchange among people.

I didn't have this awareness of being local after being exchange. Then after being local, I found it interesting to observe local when being exchange again. Exchange can never be local -- it sounds sad and true, and I used to feel upset about it. However, what matters is not how local exchange can be, instead what matters is how positive two of them see this as an issue and willing to make bit difference.
Exchange life is once in a life time experience because it is the unique part of one's life. Not only because it changes people, but also the reason why people are changed (well at least during the exchange period).

I still cannot think of a good reason why I chose Norway. I still don't know if given another chance I might have gone for Sweden or Holland. But that probably wouldn't matter. I've been this far, and I have done mostly my best. I love this ending point as my next starting point. And taken the best out of this half year, hopefully I'd be seeing more and further in the future.

I thank everything that life has brought to me, that I've known bit more than before about who I am and what I want to be. Truly, that is the way people grow up, isn't it? =)
Byebye Bergen, I might be back for a holiday or so.

the one with my favourite peom

A chinese poem by Su Shi

但願人長久
明月幾時有，把酒問青天
不知天上宮闕，今夕是何年
我欲乘風歸去
唯恐琼樓玉宇，高處不勝寒
起舞弄清影，何似在人間
轉朱閣，低綺戶，照無眠
不應有恨，何事偏向別時圓
人有悲歡離合，月有陰晴圓缺
此事古難全，但願人長久，千里共嬋娟

Literal Translation I
When will the moon be clear and bright?
With a cup of wine in my hand, I ask the blue sky.
I don't know what season it would be in the heavens on this night.
I'd like to ride the wind to fly home.
Yet I fear the crystal and jade mansions are much too high and cold for me. Dancing with my moon-lit shadow.
It does not seem like the human world.
The moon rounds the red mansion
Stoops to silk-pad doors Shines upon the sleepless.
Bearing no grudge
Why does the moon tend to be full when people are apart?
People may have sorrow or joy, be near or far apart
The moon may be dim or bright, wax or wane
This has been going on since the beginning of time
May we all be blessed with longevity
Though far apart, we are still able to share the beauty of the moon together.

Literal Translation II
When do the moon grow bright; raise a toast to heaven
Which calender of gods is this; what year is tonight
I wish to hitch the wind and return
only fearing palaces, high places aren't warm
dancing to my shadow, what a life it is
Passed the door, under the window, shined on my sleeplessness
resentment grows from no answer, what are better than not known
There are joy and there are gloom, there are phases even for the moon
This no perfection any can reach, may people live long and prosper, as birds fly a thousand miles.

Liberal Translation
When do good times come? I raise my drink to the moon
What year is today? What's up with the gods?
I would hitch the wind to return
though high places are cold.
I play with my shadow, a pleasure it is.
The door, the window sill, reflected my sleeplessenss.
The resentments, the separation, the bearings...
For joy and for gloom, even the moon faces change
This is with us; may people prosper, as ducks in pairs

the one with news in HK

I was randomly searching news online. These days front pages are covered by news of death of Yeltsin. But there's only one piece abt this in HK websites I could hardly find. And this part quite amused me. (and its from Ming Pao eh eh)

中國對葉利欽的評價表裏不一。表面上，官方將葉利欽視為中國的老朋友，稱讚他擔任俄羅斯總統期間，中俄建立了戰略協作伙伴關係，解決了歷史遺留的邊界問題。但是，對於葉利欽在推動俄羅斯民主政治發展和經濟改革方面的作為，尤其是葉利欽所竭力推動的 「震盪療法」經濟改革，中共領導層從來不以為然，指驟然的巨變帶來經濟嚴重惡化，貪污腐敗橫行。中國奉行的漸進式經濟改革，成效確比「震盪療法」好，可惜，貪污腐敗的問題同樣嚴重，這是中國必須從嚴從速處理的燙手山芋，因為中國面臨的社會不公和貧富差距加劇等矛盾，與上世紀90年代葉利欽領導下的俄羅斯極其相似。中國經濟改革較俄羅斯成功，一個重要因素是，中國擁有香港這樣一個資本主義的城市作典範，並且為內地的經濟改革源源不斷地提供國際資金；香港以外，還有數千萬希望中國強大的海外華人，盡自己所能向故土投資。對於香港和海外華人在中國的崛起進程中所扮演的重要角色，中共領導層同樣應當高度珍惜。即使中國如今已經成為經濟大國，但是中國的現代化進程仍然任重道遠，仍須團結海內外華人繼續作出貢獻。

Its not the first time I was disappointed by media in HK. Remember a celebrity once commented on HK as in an international delimma. It is extremely international in terms of all the resources and functional roles. Same time it is extremely local. And newspaper is one important indication. When one day you found local news (such as suicide of 2nd wife in mainland) is no longer prominent in papers, then HK is truely internationalised.

be yourself. but how.

This one is written for myself and the one who asked me to write it down when I made the similar speech. It is very very simple opinion but I guess I just need to be reminded occassionaly.

I was back from 360 assessment (whatever ppl call it) of group meeting today. Basically it is about each member make both positive and negative comments about others. One thing I found interesting is (well it sounds simple but)... actually you're not exactly what you turn to be in front of people... at least compared to what you think.

One core concept about individualism is "be yourself but not anyone else". People have different interpretations. Mostly what we get to know is being yourself = being an impressive yourself. It is boring to be like others. It is boring to follow what others think. Well... but how to be yourself.

Being center of attention to impress people is what we learned most as being in this generation. I remember when I was a teenager I sang a song in front of big audience during a performance show. I was very impressive and everybody thought I sang so well... I was really proud myself too. But it turned out later that actually they forgot to switch off the original voice of the song and the one who was singing was not me but the singer in the tape. Well it pretty explained why I always didnt like to sing aloud afterwards because I have been afraid to know how bad I actually sing... and that probably is the real me.
It is always not wrong to impress people and sometimes we get lot of satisfaction by our performance thinking we did impress others -- well we were right most of the times. But what actually was happening is, people might be impressed by sth you're not aware of that you've been doing and what you've been so conscious about like how to perform what to present in just effort goes in vain.
Back to the question, then, how to be yourself. If presentation is no good, how to just be me.

You are the only thing in this world that can be control by yourself. You are the one who is seeking for excellence lifelong. If you want to be great person. Start to think like great person. I sometimes admire how smart great persons could be. Because they know the importance of persuing those values that is stable and forever. Good values and great goals are not like people, including people's attention, praise, approval which are not stable. Of course they can be reviewed constantly for your own refernce but once they become the origin of your sense of achievment, then your whole world would be gone once those are gone. Simple example is relationship, lets say a guy is so in love with the girl and she to him is everything he can think of and do things for in this world. Once the love of the girl is not there anymore, this boy could be devastated. Well its a simple case but it is so true that I guess most of the people experience similar thing.
We are young and motivated. What is pushing us going from one adventure to next one is very powerful and crucial. Let it be sth that you can look up to and really really do it with appreciation. Think big and think true. Once you know what is good for you and picture it long term you might find yourself clearer.

Be yourself. Yes other people are watching. But the only way to enjoy it meanwhile do it good is be yourself for nobody but yourself.

the one with Holland rocks I

Heeeey guys now Im sitting in my youth hostel in Utrecht, the last day Im staying here in this amazing country trying to write down things I see and thing I feel.
To be honest, although I have been so excited to come here, I was still having doubts if 2 weeks in this tiny little west european country would be more than enough. However, I had a great great time enjoying nature seeing people embracing this small but proud country.

Just being lazy so I'll just try writing whats happening day by day. =)
(oh I might have lots of mistakes when trying to spell those dutch words... but guess most of you wouldnt mind!)

March 26th
My footprints on Holland finally extended to area outside schiphol airport. People speak amazingly good english and very very friendly and joke a lot.

March 27th
Klaas Jan toured me around Eindhoven. Dont even need to talk to people you can see that Philips totally rule this city by its name appearing everywhere. Anyways, it is so not as ugly as those what we called "industrialized" cities in China, I was impressed --- small, but full of energy of being young and creative. Although it doesnt not have any cutural archetecture thats really stands out to symbolize the town, you'll understand tolerance once you get invovled.
PS Klaas Jan gradually exposed his "asshole" side... awwwww

March 28th
People dont believe this but I did go to Keukenholf in Lisse. Well I would try to explain what it is here since I loved it so much. Keuken means Kitchen in dutch and holf just means herbs. Well in acient times there is this person grow herbs in the garden (his name is in the info package) so they took it as a name but basically it is a flower exhibition mainly you can see tulips everywhere. Well yea today I saw the garden of most tulips I have ever seen, 300 kinds of them and almost seven million of flowers in the large garden divided into different areas and cubics. Though you cannot call this totally nature cause people spend lots of money and effort in making flowers look beautiful and decorate the whole park. But trust me when you see this amount of tulips gathering around and with beautiful weather ahead, the whole scene is just so damn beautiful! The theme for this year is to memorize a swedish biologist specialized in flowers who happened to celebrate his 300th birthday this year, so there is also IKEA commercial quite a lot poping up.
People it is a very dutch thing to do to visit Keukenholf --- it is only once in a year around april since tulips dont last long. But I guess it is only popular among tourists and dutch elderly. Well it is a pity but I think I'll try to visit more bontanic gardens and stuffs whenever I can cause it is really not as boring as I expected!

Well today is also the first I had chance sitting in the car and appreciate ducth field scenery under good weather (hmmm the last time is like 7 years ago but that doesnt count). I was feeling relaxed and being so happy instead of exciting anymore when seeing windmills and cows and goats everywhere. You can see people are biking, fishing, playing golf, lying in the sun... I was told before I come there always been raining and bad weather so now when the sun comes out people pour out as well. Western people really knows how to enjoy life and nature, I think. And they are aware of protecting them. I was also feeling very good, just really appreciating what life has brought to us. But somehow I come to think asians. Well if you only talking about chinese people, we work very very hard to earn a living (ok most of us! which is well represented by the workaholic honkees). Our parents try to save every penny in order to let us have a better life. It is culture. But for me as one of millions students who are being abroad look at how western people live. Then we go back to where we're from start to work our asses off... and in these years you work hard either to be very rich in order to live like prince in shanghai or to immigrant abroad and live like westerners. Is it the cycle us, this educated part of chinese population are following? In the short term yes, because we're developing country with special political background. So smart people just try to leave the cuontry as soon as possible.
OK this is my holiday... and that probably should be what I think right now.

hmm... thats the first two days, I'll continue when got back =(
would be in Oslo for the weekend and hopefully have lots of fun learning and partying!!

See you guys soon!!!

the one with amanda's leaving

ok I spent long time writing but because of web connection... its all gone....
I'm not gonna write everything again since its 2 in the morning and I have a flight to go tmr!

I've been reading histories and stuffs about holland and got so excited about going there! Used to travel to Europe when in high school ... two months ... more than 5 countries 10 cities ... but really in a rush and was really an asian style traveling - famous spots pictures and next spot ... lol so guess this time I would do a good quality one! Two weeks in a 16 million population country ... same as in Shanghai ... so funny... Not to mention I'd see Judith and Joppe there! YAY! Its been way too long to see ppl from queens omg this is amazing!

It does feel wierd leaving for two months. I was like kissing Mich on the cheeks and suddenly felt awww this is so sad! Not sure if I can handle the farewell this summer tho... be sure wont be as embarrasing as year ago at queens! oh gosh where am I?!

Anyways, I'd be in Oslo from April 13th to 15th for a national conference and hopefully get my visa to UK done. And I'd finally travel to Lofoten with the girls from end of May till June! Then I'll spend whole June in Scotland traveling and seeing friends from queens! After that two weeks of politics course in London, then would do a placement there for a month! I know this is sooooo exciting!!
Well hopefully every thing like visa would be ok, and so far my 2007 goes really wonderful. hmm... guess I deserve this before my boring final year back in HK! lol
Of course now wish my paper would get proved since I've spent way too much on it.

Alright guys wish all the best to you. I'll check emails and facebook whenever I can although would not be that much! And hope you all have a great great spring break!!!

Love,
Amanda

the one with some random updates

Without my laptop I also lost the best time to write throughout whole day. There have been lots of thoughts came across my mind but during last week every time I sat in front of friends' computers and found myself could not concentrate getting them back anymore... well its bad... but as least now I'm here in the library (in NHH though eh eh) and trying to write.

Okay...where should I start... I went to ESN party last thursday which was lots of fun. Although the music was very very commercial but it sort of brought me back to the time in Lan Kwai Fong and north american where were full of usher and black eyed peas. LOL. I finally met Elma and Katherine and thank god they are such a couple of norgegian sweetheart which are not so common in Norwegian population I shall say... hmmm... I am not saying norwegian girls are not sweet... but they probably just have hard shell... like ladies... lol... But I am really glad to meet girls like Ingy and Monica.... they are just so open and so... relaxing...
Anyways, people back home title me as "party girl" which is not very correct depends on which culture I'm being put in. But what's important to me I enjoy drinking and dancing and getting wild once in a while with friends cause I think that is tons of fun and it should be one of human rights as well HAHA... I'm bullshitting....
So... I actually had another fun night on Friday as well with AIESEC ppl. Well we call it an international night cause its basically a potluck...everybody brought their own country food and share... I felt bad cause I only rushed to a chinese restaurant and bought some shrimp crakers...which is absolutely just a minor appetizer in China (ya I had a lot when I was little and its no healthy food). Anyways, I was kindly exposed to waffle with brown cheese as typical norwegian food which is actually very yummy! We were talking and talking...although after a while we were sort of doing stupid stuffs partly cause of beer(and where the hack are those stupid pictures?!) .... Oh I had one of those strong norwegian alcohole... but I forgot the name (could anyone help me rememeber it as starts with an a)... and its really good... for a girl like me prefer being a quick drunker LOL
I love Friday night... and I really really start to love AIESEC.

My paper theme was announced on Friday and it is very very theoriotical... I am having a hard time trying to get some clue about what to write... oh its never fun starting to write a paper! Maybe because its time to write a paper for lots of exchange students, I've been hearing lots of complainments about how crazy norwegian people read. It is true that everything here in school means reading and reading and reading forever. The professor in class would only provide you with a big picture of the references and if you dont read in advance, then lectures are like boring slide shows. And the reading amount is more than "a lot", it is actually "huge" here. So far I have been reading more than 1000 pages but thats still slightly less than half AND that is only the first time skimming through which means I cannot just go to exams reading once of that amount. Erasmus students are so not getting used to this which actually surprised me because I thought it is very traditionally European. But if we talking about the reading amount in scandinavian countries, we should probably notice the rationale behind. Because here people take it for natural that "you are the only one who is responsible for your study and to pass the course/get the knowledge or not is your choice". It is because here as long as you pass 30 credits of your study then you do not need to pay back almost half of the student loan. Plus the grading system is more like 100% on final exams either pass (get a grade other than F) or not pass totally depend on the final shot. So the students are free to do self-study and go to exams.
Here thus brought back me to one of the conversation I had with a local student who had been exchange in UC berkely for whole year. He is rather a fan of North American system since over there everything counts for the final results of your study which me myself have experienced as well. You got the whole course outline and grading system telling you how your knowledge would be accessed based on a gradual process. Assignments, presentations, midterms, group work, final exams.... every little thing would be part of your study which is designed by the instructurer based on his/her experience. It is more like a commercial process which can be fairly efficient, but meanwhile students can just do it strategically if they dont want to pay much effort. Of course it is another "coin with two different side" case not only because everybody does have his/her own way of study but also how education should be responsible for individual would also be different.

Today when I was sitting in the bus, I suddenly had this feeling that "I love this place". Which is awww.... the starting point of feeling bad for leaving in two months. I experienced the same thing emotionally in Canada, at that time when I just started to feel how big the world is and how different culture could be but soon after I need to go back. But this time it is more like when I really really start to think about all those differences and diversities and fall in love with them and of course the people get involved in, I need to go back again.

Dont take me wrong when every time I say "I'm not homesick", it is just because I really do feel everywhere is my home.

the one with the best is yet to come

The week so far has been really hard for me. Without my laptop, my room is way more quiet than before -- and I lost my best company when trying my best to fall asleep at night. Some freaks in hostel keep playing very loud music which also kept me awake for hours before I can really fall asleep. I lost lots of respect to a close friend who I used to be strongly attached to. In this story I shall say my chinese culture did save me from screaming and crying like insane. Although I still have been feeling broken deep down inside and could not think for a long time.

I used to examine myself a lot for whatever bad results that come to me, which makes this time lot more difficult because all I felt is being innocent...and maybe stupid in sticking to some values I always believed in. When there is a person comes to me and slapped on my face, I become upset and nervous... like don't really know what to believe anymore.

But, when I was reading and making noted on LonelyPlanet Netherlands alone in my room, when I started again to run very hard in the gym, when I talked and laughed with friends, when I saw old couples kissing each other goodbye and looked back to each other again after walking apart, when I went to AIESEC meetings and started cold calls to companies, when I look into people's eyes when talking to them, when I wander around and enjoyed sunshine in Bergen, when I picked up the phone and hear friends' voice back home... I know I am living my life. And I know there are lots of things still there to appreciate. I have always been grateful for living this life. Now I guess I just need to go through again what are these important for me.

I am back. And I am very happy that a new chapter has started and hopefully, the best is yet to come.

the one with life without laptop

ok... nothing's worse... I have been pretty moody and grumpy the whole morning, cut my palm in the afternoon... and my laptop broke down for no reason in the evening. I got a presentation on Friday and all the research are in my damn laptop. And there's a paper theme posted this week. Oh...and those stupid computers in the library here dont recognize chinese character!

So...I'm not gonna be online that often my lovers... arrrhhhh... this is so damn bad luck!

the one with its all about norwegian

It has been a long week for me. Spent more than 600 kr on my x-ray (oh thats my budget for hair cutting!), couldnt walk much so just been staying at home, and went on a cabin trip with AIESEC which is lot of fun. When last night I was on the phone with dad talking about some random thinking I had during the weekend and it turned out to be a culture discussion, and today in the media course we talked about habitus of Norwegain people. So I was thinking to it might be time for me to take a note on how I see Norwegian so far.

Yesterday when I got back to Fantoft and having a late dinner with the girls talking what we have been doing during weekend, Michy naturally asked me, "so, did you make any friends in the trip?" Making friends with Norwegians has always been a topic among us exchange students and somehow the most conclusion we had is, Norwegian people are really nice but for some reason it is difficult to build up really close connection with them. This German guy who went fishing with the girls and has been working here in Bergen for more than four years said you can have fun with norwegians totally party up on Saturday night but when Monday you go to work and try to talk like buddy but it never works out, norwegians could be very politely nice as if you are just met.
As an exchange student like I said before, it is not easy for us to break the wall and really integrated with locals. And it is interesting to find out that those who are really into the conversation with us are the ones have been either exchange or work abroad. Norwegian students would raise questions in Norwegian although they are aware of that most of classmates are foreigners. Well, I really dont complain about locals being like that since I absolutely understand how locals feel kind of distant from foreigners and they of course would feel more comfortable hanging out with the ones belong to the local group. And that makes me especially appreciate those who think for us as incoming guests, respect our presents, even show interest in our cultures.

Anyways, I was very excited to take this trip with AIESEC not only because I feel excited about this organization itself but also for my curiosity about Norwegian studetnts (well little part of this is because we girls are very impressed by the guys in Bergen and we commented as "Norwegian guys are incredibly good looking" =) and so far no one disagree with that lol).
We did some introductory games and mini presentation based on group work which all made me think more about myself as a teamplayer and discovered more of my strengths and weaknesses. One thing also came to me is comparing the thinking pattern that I have which has been greatly inflenced by the university education in HK with the one that was shown on my teammates as Norwegians. In HK, we are trained to be professional. Even if we do not have the professional knowledge, we need to look professional, in terms of the way we present ourselves, the way we respond to doubts, the way we look, and the environment we creat. Yes people are aware of that we might be too green to do stuffs like that but the thing is, we need to learn how to be professional step by step. --- We might not know the answer, which is alright, just give a professional smile and think of a vague politician answer. People call it typical business training which I also found a lot in North America, but Norwegians are more honest and straight in my opinion.
The professor in my media course is from Colombia. Ever since the first I talked with him, he said Norwegian students never raise questions. Today when he was trying to encourage us to have a discussion, the whole classroom was in an akward silence and he said come on don't be too Norwegian. Which is also an interesting stereotype about Norwegian --- people dont like to be put on spot or voluntarily stand out. People like to be even which also resulted in the fact that the most comment we have on Norwegians is: oh they are very nice people, just being nice, somewhere in the middle. It is unlike in the states, when during the weekend we were talking about why using "fasinating" to describe America because it just have so extreme and diversified population. But norwegians are just very alike. This reminds me of the thoery of equality, typical Scandinavian charateristic, in Sociology. That the goverment or the regime that the country connects to is just trying to erase distinction among people. That everybody should have equal access to things.

Party time is also fun to observe Norwegian character. I dont know if its because its just the first weekend that we spend together that people don't get familiar with each other yet, that most of people prefer holding a beer and talking and talking and talking when there is loud music going on and people would get wild dancing if its north america.

I have heared some anthropology explanations for Norwegians people based on this country's farming history. And of course very cold climate is also an important factor that shapes a nation's personality. I have only been here for bit more than one month and very much look forward to knowing more about this country.

My ankle is recovering and hopefully I can go back to gym very soon and I so much miss running and doing stuffs there.

Hope you all are having a great time and get lots of "red envelops" =).

the one with HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

I'll be gone for the weekend doing this cabin trip to Lønningstrand (well I dont know how to pronouce it but...) Hopefully it would be lots of fun cause I'm meeting lot of new people there!!

So wanna wish all of you happy new year although it is a chinese new year but it means a lot to me and its gonna be my first time celerbrate it abroad and I'm starting to miss my hometown food soooo much. Its funny that my parents are now in Vancouver and I'm here in "the way to North" and we are all missing this big family gathering. I very much miss the new year dinner with big family kids running around and my grandmother having this happy smile on her face looking at the family. We were all together talking about meaningless stuffs but it is just so family and so CHINESE and I love it.
Kid like my age we dont have a big big family and I have only my grandmother ever since I remember. And as shanghai becomes more and more modernized people dont bother to cook at home on New Year's eve and I know I will not have those traditional big dinner by mommies anymore. Which is sad I know, but maybe one day I can have my big family and do sth traditional LOL.

-------------------------------------------------
Kathi is in London right now omg. I have been so happy for her good news and me and michy were talking this evening about guys. Which sort of took me back to my reality. I can be really messy in my emotions and I have been so much influenced by this. Hopefully the weekend trip can help me relax a little bit -- I'm so sick of self doubting and everything.

Hope you guys all have a wonderful New Year!!!

With Love,
Amanda

the one with Valentine 2007

I became very aware of Feb 14th ever since I started my first serious relationship. I learned that girls give chocolates to the guys they like, and guys would send flowers same day of month after to show they have same feelings. I learned making strawberry with chocolate and some little handcraft as nice little present on Valentine's day. Well I didnt do everything so good but I'm always this little romantic girl spending hours doing things like that. Now I know it is very asian and probably sometimes it is bit too much. But I will still get excited about this day and want to do sth no matter its for the ones I love or only for fun.

Last year I heared this very funny saying that Valentine's Day is actually meanwhile the single realizing day -- on this day people would have this "oh let me think how long I've been single for?" thought. And remember last year I was hanging out with girls who of course were single at the time, we were so dressed up on purpose and went to TST wanna have our own big night. Which was actually impossible because you have no idea how Hong Kong can be do crowded by couples and lovers. And we felt being outplayed totally totally.

I used to be so conscious about how lonely it is being single on Valentine's Day. But now I guess I just have to live with what life brought me. Today I am happy. I am happy because my friends are feeling happy. I am happy because we are together and we have love. And we are aware of that fact that we are being loved, by friends, family, boyfriends/girlfriends.
I was still giving chocolates (although I didnt make them myself :-P) and sending wishes. Oh and we had this Valentine's party at Klubb Fantoft and the only thing the organizers had is let us put on strings to show our relationship status --- pink to show you're single, red to show you're taken, both means you're in an open relationship which is funny. And it is also my observation that guys who are actually in relationships would choose only red for sure, however girls who are acutally not single would choose to put on both just for fun.
It has been long since last time I came out for social party because of my damn ankle so I had lots of fun talking tonight. I made a long phone call to daddy since he just arrived Vancouver to see mommy (well it just happened to be on a Valentine's Day, my dad is never that romantic!). So now is four in the morning and Valentine's Day is just over!

I'm still looking forward to my next Valentine's Day and hopefully I could spend it with my boyfriend.

the one with the worst Valentine's ever

It is too corny to say things like "you'd only feel you have lost it when you really lost sth". But I am really missing the days I can walk and run like normal people. Maybe it is because past few weeks have been really happy, which makes the time I am going through right now bit hard for me. Of course I know I can recover, maybe sooner than I expected. But staying in room all day long and walking really hard to classes are killing me. I was so looking forward to the cabin trip this weekend but now seems that it'd be an impossible and I will spend my new year like a little old lady unable to go anywhere.

I have thousands of reasons to be crying (and of course was what I did), and the worse thing is I am being very fragile and grumpy right now. I cant focus and have serious sleeping problems.
I'll go to hospital again in 5 hours to do x-ray. It could be hell expensive guess....

oh god, this is the worst Valentine's ever, absolutely.

the one with amanda the "unnecessarily dominated" leader

My ankle got worse after the yoga class last night, today I cannot even walk properly and every step took me by pain. Well guess only can blame that on myself -- I have been to gym almost every single day from two weeks ago when I got the gym pass, and dont know what the hell I was thinking decided still continue my yoga after I hurt my ankle days before. Just hope I can recover soon because I miss walking and running freely.

Sociology class becomes more and more interesting and I always feel like have learned a lot after lectures and tutorials. Even though it is not fun when trying to understand all the readings with sociology terms, it feels good when you go to classes and brainstorming with the lecturer and find out oh it is like this. The sociology course I am taking here is about welfare system which mainly focuses on western welfare system -- I don't know why but I could hardly find anything refering those regimes we have in Asia in all the references, not to mention taking China as example. But it is interesting to observe some of characteristics of nordic welfare state here in Norway. For example, I though it is only by accident when I noticed it is the husband here would take care of the babies. But after a while, I found that actually it is always the daddy who take over the prams or hold babies in streets. It is not saying how powerful women are in the society but the females are undoubtly encouraged to persue what they want and family/childcare would not be an obstacle. Speaking of observation in streets, it is also true that old people here often do things on their own. No matter on the icy roads or crowded stores, it is so common to see the old people quietly mind their own business. Locals say maybe its because Norwegians are very independent, well, ever since they enter adulthood. Not sure if its an Scandinavian characteristic as well but it reminds me of the very popular American individualism concept in China.

Although I walked like disabled today, I still need to go to this assessment center for AIESEC. I did not realize it was the final stage of memership recruitment until I got NHH so was bit surprised. Well it was a final round interview and it was the longest (maybe the toughest) and most formal one I have ever had. It is a large group interview and we have 10 candidates in total. In the two and half hours, we performed tasks including a group discussion and small presentation. At final stage, there was an q&a session for individuals. I shall say I performed average in the group discussion but maybe its because of the language or the leadership style. A teamplayer commented me as "unnecessarily dominated". It is very interesting to join this group interview not only because I had experienced a challenging one but also that it made me rethink myself as well as the environment.
Remember Dad once told me there is something very essential and good deep in Chinese culture which is seeking the peace inside yourself and not be influnced by anything good or bad (it might be bad translation eh eh..). I would understand it as think about you and only you inside, which might sounds like Individualism in America but actually it totally the opposite. Individualism in America depends a lot on how you present yourself and how you win over others. Something like "as long as you have faith in yourself, YOU can do it". In this sense, I always persume that something is western culture has very much to do with competition. Children are educated to compete with each other and feel good about themselves based on others' praises. I don't know what it is like exactly about myself but I do think I enjoy the process of competing and I would be aggressive when I force myself to compete.
But that is not the important part of today's interview because I think I just perform how I am supposed to and the point is, people would think it is being aggressive. And my guess is, it is all about environment. It would be a culture thing in North America that everybody in the group wants his/her voice to be heared and people would never hesitate to express their opinions, well plus English is their first language so there is no problem at all. It would all about presentation if put this case in HK. Business people are very well trained to present themselves just in order to leave impression on whoever might be judging (think about the Business students in CUHK errhh). Well then I thought about the commerce students I met at Queens then they can be more perfect.
hmmm...I'm kind of lost in what I am gonna say here, maybe should compare a little with the students here but I dont have a big sample size ;-)

2 in the morning already so I am very sleepy... Only hope my ankle can get better soon cause I know got a long way to go.

Best to all of you.

Love,
Amanda

the one with AIESEC interview

I still feel its funny about sending application to AIESEC. Well I did miss the deadline in HK just bcecause I was too lazy and it is for sure that I'm gonna go for 5th year to finish my bachelor and when looking back I have actually been to enough places around the world people can think of during undergraduate study. I know tons of my friends would have the same reaction when I apply for AIESEC with this "what the hell are you thinking" look on their faces.

Anyways, I did apply this time and had this chance travel to the college of Business in Bergen whose name is NHH --- classmates taught me to pronouce it "N Ho Ho" when asking directions. And before that I thought Uni of Bergen is the only college in Bergen -- well it is the only comprehensive university but turns out that Bergen has other institutions in Business(this NHH), Nursing, Engineering, bla bla bla... Very very good weather today with my favourite big sun and snow everywhere. Bad news is that I am still walking like lame since last Saturday because I didnt run properly in gym... >.< I found the building without difficulties and waited for my interview during which I found this is another nice little college although I have not seen everything of it.

Interviews in western countries always starts later than scheduled, unlike in HK everything should be marked down and things should be done according to what is marked down :-P I was not really nervous cause I though it would easy since everybody says it is only the interview between you and company that really matters. But oh but, this is one is bit more fomal than I expected. Although they did not ask any surprising questions, I became less calm when I found myself not so prepared. The only thing I did not expect is that they assigned me a mini task which is to call this person and talk with him for two minutes and grasp as much information as I can. Well it is very common in job interviews in HK but I never done it before so it was interesting trying it today! And the funny thing is when I saw the name who I was supposed to call I realized I have seen this person on webpage appeared as the preseident of this club! Well I was too hurry to use this as sth but it is just very funny... :-P They interviewed me for about 45mins which is of course bit overrun perhaps I talked too much. But to be honest I don't think I have done very well today. :-(

The end the two interviewers said this recruitment is rather competitive this year so I have no idea about the situation whether I have a chance or not. It sounds very attractive cause potential candidates would do group work in this "assessment center" and final stage involves going to Oslo for a conference and meet the board (yea it sounds more complicated than in HK!). I would love to work together with Norwegians and see how it works! Since we exhcange students take most courses together and party together, there is really few chances here actually experience the thinking pattern and working style of local students.


Anyways after the interview I did not have this WOW feeling plus I have been waiting for the bus for long time. (oh you guys have no idea how disappointing the bus system here in Bergen -- they are never on time and you never know how long you are gonna wait. The buses in Vancouver totally put those here in shame!Not to mention the best metro we have in HK!) After I got on the bus, my bus card didn't work. The driver took over my card and checked and said to me with this cold look on his face "you are out of the zone" just like "you are out of your mind". I felt very sorry and apologized to let him know I did not know it. And he still had this cold face didnt even look at me as if he does not understand English. Bus drivers here are interesting as well --- some of them are really really friendly and so willing to help when needed, but some of them are really really asshole.

Okay... wish me luck with AIESEC although i still cannot answer the question "what the hell are you thinking?"

LOL

the one with walk the line

Didnt feel so cheered up this evening well mainly because got some unexpected responses on msn and it's like, feeling cold right from inside and I was there like frozen and thank god I HAVE to run up for the movie "Walk the Line" so I just fled away as quick as I can. errrhhhh..... :-(
Anyways I was bit distracted at begining of the movie but I was really enjoying it more and more as story went on. Johnny Cash music somehow reminded me of the times working in Sodexho when we were washing dishes at back of the kitchen people love to turn on some country music and it was that music companying me the whole working hours. LOL

I heared the saying from June Carter way before I wanted to actually see the movie so I just randomly write it down in my webpages: "Try to matter". Although I cannot say Reese Witherspoon acts perfectly in this, I was impressed by the June Carter she played. It is a determined woman. Only a pity that the story did not focus so much on her. But I absolutely love this movie and so glad I watched it tonight.

Yea now I get back and have been downloading some Johnny Cash music and am feeling much better. Still so full because we went to this Spanish dinner in the evening although each dish was incredibly small, I love the egg with potato a LOT. One thing good about living here so far is, me Amanda has been working very good with western food! Remember the days in the States fried everything three meals a day and I almost was sobbing when I firstly put ZhaJiangMian (Beijing Noddle) into my mouth, so of course I abandoned the idea of buying another meanl plan when was in Canada. But so far I have only had two chinese meals and still staying very happy and excited about western food. Well I definitely still think Chinese food is best ever, but this has been big change for me YAY! :-P

Not been so productive lately and guess now its time to focus. I'll talk to you guys later! [:-D

the one with amanda enjoying the concert

There are lots of ways to escape from the real world -- sort of taking a rest restoring energy to move on. It is not because the reality is too scary or miserable to keep staying in. For me sometimes I do need to slow down little bit, either think of nothing and take some deep breath, or reflect on hows everything going so far. I am glad as human being I can choose to just go to the mountains and appreciate nature as one way of relaxing myself, or as an educated person I could have chances of being with artists and appreciating their work.
Ok, I'll just cut the crap cause I can be talking nonstop about my philosophy - we went to this Friday night concert with orchestra playing classic spanish music. To me, it really does not matter if you understand the music or not. To me, as long as you are somehow touched by art itself --- you're the rich guy cause it already left something beautiful in you which would last for long time.

Now I'm just laying back enjoying this another relaxing weekend also thinking about this week. My best friend back home broke up with her boyfriend because he has been cheating on her. I of course would not say anything detail about this partly because they both are my best friends. On the other hand, it was good to know sara got back with dorian finally and wing is being stable with jasper and got her visa to holland which is super yay! By the time I was sitting at Klubb Fantoft and speaking with Kathi, she stroke me with something I already know but have been rarely aware of. "Two persons having the chance meeting each other and get together and have a great time, that is amazing thing already." I remember me repeating this last day of 2006, "there is nothing better than feeling you are in love with someone and being loved in return." I know both of the sayings are focusing on the present. It is the present that matters and it is the present that you can really feel truly. And I know I would feel much much better stop thinking about the future and all those risky decisions. I am still like a girl got lost in forest. When I am by myself staring at the sky hope someone could join me only to share the loneliness, I am still wondering.
None of us would forget how it feels keep refreshing the webpage hoping something update could pop up. We are the waiting people who are fearless to take the first move as long as we know it worths everything at the end.

Arhhh... it is a boring journal. I'd try being funny next time :-P

so far so damn good

Finally starting my fourth webpage... it just like changing one's hairstyle... hopefuly a new look may bring a new attitude.

I have been here in Bergen for one month until now. Last night when people are talking hey tmr is 1st of Feburary can you believe that? Yeah, time goes so fast here and now everything is getting on track and I am feeling very good about it.

Remember the first couple of weeks the weather here in Bergen is the worst I have ever experienced --- it rains every single day, 9 oclock in the morning still looks like dawn which makes it very hard getting myself out of my warm bed. However, it took no time for me fall in love with this quiet small city. When I was walking along the water, or hiking in the mountains with snow everywhere, I felt peace and calm deep inside me ever since last time I was in Sydney.
Maybe cause I grew up in too commercialized populated cities, no matter Shanghai or Hong Kong, I get so used to those skyscrapers everywhere and crazy night life in downtown. Of course I would still get excited when I standing right in the center of the city, head up trying to see the top of the huge commercial buildings. Would never forget last time I was standing at the balcony of China Club (which belongs to Bank of China) in Central Hong Kong, I said to myself "I am in this such material world and I would be part of it". I could be very ambisious and motivated when I see this side of the world. And now, I am very blessed and joyful to see Bergen as another side of world compare to Hong Kong.

With a population of 235,000 inhabitants, Bergen as the old capital of Norway has its very cultural and classic style. People here are very friendly and helpful, no matter they do or do not speak good english. Most of them like to laugh about the weather they have, especially when talking about it is the second rainy city in Norway with more than 260 rainy days in a year on average. It is always easy to start converstions or seek for help with locals, but as expected people here are more distant than those in North America.

I was settled in an international student hostel called "Fantoft" with 1300 living uinits and most of residents are of course from all over the world. According to statistics, 43% of exchange students this year are from Germany which definitely ranks as top, 14% are French although I did not meet so many, then should come down to Italians, Polish, and other European countries. Being an asian is apparently the minority here, it is funny that when we asians see each other, although we dont necessarily say hi we would look at each other with extra attention. So far I only knew a Hong Kong girl from my floor, and a mainland master student who I met randomly. From China to here, the poportion of races turned into an opposite side. Remeber when I was touring Joppe and his dutch friend in Shanghai and girls kept coming to me asking if they can take pictures with the white boys, and now I am in a completely white community, it would amuse me everytime I think back.
It feels very very good living here and it reminds me a lot of days back in Harkness. Lots of things could happen in a multicultural living place like this, and I am just so happy to meet everybody and make up for my ignorance of European countries. Guess I would like to say more about that in later blogs since it is gonna be a big topic.

School started since last week and I am enjoying my classes very much. The courses I am doing here consists of Anthropology of Scandinavia, Welfare model of Scandinavia, Mass Media, and Quatitative Analysis. I finally dropped my Norwegian since I do not think it is practical for me taking a course and learn this language of 4 and half million people speaking another 20 million understanding. So hopefully I could pick up some basic conversations from locals and exchange friends who are taking it. Classes all went pretty well so far, I love one of the American professors a lot and I am very attentive in class. For those who are not professors but only PhD students instead lecturing as teachers, I am quite disappointed by the why they teach. Since I have learned some mathematical parts of the course, I can see the teacher made lots of mistakes and presented knowledge points very badly. But after all, I am quite happy about the classes here since I can freely raise questions and discuss topics with classmates and professors which helps me more in understanding.

Last night I went to a local party held by students from Sociology. Although I enjoyed the conversation I had with one of local students there, it turned out that us as an exchange group of 6 people, we just talk with ourselves since all other Norwegian students were having counversations themselves (in Norwegian of course). Of course it is mainly because it is not like a dancing n drinking party or sth which did not provide us with lots of chances of meeting new people, but it made me think about the issue of "exchanges and locals" again which I was talking to Shweta the other night. No matter in Hong Kong, or when I was in Canada or the States, and in Australia, I observed that it is always not easy for foreigners intergrate with locals and for locals get used to being open to foreigners. Of course different places have their own situations and character, but it is always interesting to see how two groups of people really break the wall and communicate --- what makes them start to interact, through what ways, and what each group want get from each other.

Oh this is already a long journal, so guess I'd better stop here. I am loving my life here very much, and not homesick at all. I would love to post more about my life. And I love you my friends very much.

Hope you are having a great time wherever you are.

Love,
Amanda